


Almost Feels Like Nothing's Changed at All (If You Close Your Eyes)

by Hllangel



Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: Accidental Coming Out, Coming Out, Established Relationship, M/M, Twitter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-29
Updated: 2014-03-29
Packaged: 2018-01-17 12:07:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1387054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hllangel/pseuds/Hllangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a general rule that Nick is never more than about two inches from his phone, but for all the teasing he gets about it from everyone he knows, he's never been more glad about it than he is right now. The tweet went out about two minutes ago, but it's basically blown up his notifications, and probably his life. Shit. <i>Shit. </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost Feels Like Nothing's Changed at All (If You Close Your Eyes)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Lottie indirectly tweeting at Nick after the Drake shows this week. Thanks to Sunsetmog for the encouragement/beta/britpicking. Any remaining mistakes are my own. 
> 
> This is a work of fiction based on the lives and likenesses of real people. If you are one of them and you're reading this, I'm so so sorry.

_@LottieTommo: @grimmers almost here but left my key at mums and L is w/ lads on a shoot. u home or can i come to studio and get a spare?_

It's a general rule that Nick is never more than about two inches from his phone, but for all the teasing he gets about it from everyone he knows, he's never been more glad about it than he is right now. The tweet went out about two minutes ago, but it's basically blown up his notifications, and probably his life. Shit. _Shit._

He pulls open Twitter to send a direct message to Lotts, telling her that dropping by the studio is probably a really bad idea now, but he'll figure out something so that she's not sitting on her brother's back doorstep until he gets home from his shoot. 

By the time he's done with that, the tweet itself is gone, but the damage is done. He and Louis are used to the media scrutiny, and sometimes actively encourage it, but only when they can control it, and be totally sure that the perception is that they still hate each other.

_Shit_ , he texts to Louis. He needs to actually talk to him, as soon as possible, but he doesn't know when the lads will be finished doing whatever they're doing today. He can't put the creeping dread he's feeling into words, but he hopes that his boyfriend will understand when he sees it. Louis is probably being flooded with texts and calls, too. He texts _fuck_ as an afterthought. 

At least he's not on air at the moment. He's not sure he'd be able to finish his show if he was. He'd been almost ready to leave for the day, but he can see a wall of emergency meetings in his future now. His publicist knows about Louis, of course he does. The point of having a publicist is to control his public image, which his publicist can only do if he knows all the facts. Louis' team knows about Nick, too, as do all the lads and the closest of the crew.

The fact that they're known for feuding in public helps more than they'd ever suspected. No one expects Nick to be visiting Louis instead of Harry when he turns up at a thing, and the stories that they're fighting over Harry's attention make them all laugh. 

Nick picks up his publicist's call right away and scrubs a hand over his face. He still has to figure out how he's going to get Louis' spare key over to Lottie when she arrives. 

~*~

The first thing Louis does when they get a fifteen minute break is check his phone. He's waiting to hear that Lottie arrived safely, since he won't actually be back until later tonight. They'd planned for Nick to have her round for dinner, entertaining her until he gets back, even though Louis desperately wants to be there himself. They only have two weeks off, and it's a holiday in name only. They're not travelling, but they're still busy with promo and recording. 

What he finds instead is a mess of texts and Twitter notifications, and six new voicemails from his publicist. It usually means that someone is talking about him and Nick again, but they hadn't done anything publicly recently, so he has no idea what the problem is. Nick's two texts don't help the twinge in his stomach as he presses play on the most recent voicemail. 

Oh _shit._

He calls Lottie first. 

"I'm so sorry," she says as soon as she answers. "I meant to send him a DM. I didn't mean to." 

Louis wants to crawl through the phone and hug her, hold her tight and physically squash the tears out of her voice. It kills him sometimes that his job means he's away from his family so much. "It's okay," he says, even though it's probably not. "Nick and I will sort it out. There's a reason we have ridiculously expensive publicists. Did you get a key?" 

She sniffles. This day is the worst, Louis is pretty sure. "Yeah, Grimmy sent someone over with his spare." 

"Good. Get whatever takeaway you want for dinner. Use the Just Eat app on my iPad. I don't know when I'll be home, now." 

"I'm sorry," she says, again, voice small. 

"I love you, Lottie. Don't worry about me and Nick, we'll figure it out," he says, before he says goodbye. He has no idea how they're going to do it this time.

_Buggering fucking shit_ he texts to Nick. He has to go back to work, the lads are waiting for him. And anyway, he doesn't think he can talk to Nick just yet without losing it completely, because for all that he wants to reassure Lottie, he has no idea what to do. Not a single fucking clue. 

~*~ 

By the time Louis gets home (not _home_ , his brain reminds him, even though it's his house), he's exhausted. The boys had been really understanding and sympathetic about the situation, but that didn't change the fact that they had work they needed to be doing today, and that they had to finish before they could leave. 

He hasn't been able to speak to Nick yet, either, though they've managed to text each other a few times, mostly just more swearing. He's pretty sure Nick's feeling as frayed as he is right now, and it's bordering on too late to call since it's a week night and Nick still has to get up in the morning. 

Lottie is on the sofa, bundled up in blankets and clutching her phone like it's a lifeline. Her eyes are red, and Louis pulls her into a hug right away. It's been far too long since he's seen her, and he really wishes that this was a normal visit, where he could have dinner with his sister and then crawl off home to Nick's. Or have Nick over with them. He doesn't sleep as well on his own anymore. 

"Mum sends her love," Lottie says, voice tight. "To both of you. I'm so sorry." 

Louis just hums an affirmation, because his throat's too tight to speak. He's been holding back this breakdown all day, but the walls are about to crash. Instead, he squeezes her tighter. 

"Have you talked to Nick?" He asks, when she pulls away and goes back to her blanket nest. "I haven't had enough time to breathe, let alone make that phone call." 

"He's alright," she says. "Says he misses you and wishes we could be there, but it's probably a bad idea because his house is surrounded, and he doesn't have a private drive like you do." 

Louis is not equipped to deal with how badly he doesn't want to sleep in his own bed tonight, but there's nothing for it. "He's right. I saw the paps outside." He sighs. "I know we were supposed to spend some time together whilst you're here, but I've suddenly got a full day of meetings tomorrow, and I have no idea when I'll be free." 

Lottie looks like she's about to cry again, and Louis absolutely doesn't want that, so he pulls her close once more. "It's my fault for forgetting the fucking key," she says.

It kind of is her fault, but Louis needs to distract her from that line of thinking, because there's no benefit to be gained. 

"We'll sort it out. It'll be okay. In the meantime I can have my assistant find some tickets for you to see something tomorrow night if you want?" 

"Okay." 

~*~

Nick shows up on time for work despite having the worst night's sleep he's had in a long time. He's always hated sleeping alone; but with the mess he and Louis are in it's worse than when Louis is on tour, because he's in London, he just can't be in Nick's bed. Nick is a professional, though, and he has a radio show to run. He knows that all the tabloids are talking about him, because he has about a million messages from his friends overnight with links and screencaps of articles about him and Louis. He doesn't bother to read any of them. He hasn't heard anything from Louis, either, but he'd been expecting that, both because he knows how late Louis was expected back last night, and because they're best at actually talking things through when they're in the same room as each other. 

There's a scrum at the entrance to Broadcasting House today; Nick ignores everyone and walks straight in the door, hoping that the photos that show up don't highlight the dark circles under his eyes this morning. 

"It's not going on Showquizness," Matt says to him as soon as he sits down for the pre-show meeting. 

"I should bloody well hope not," Nick says. He's more snappish than he should be, but he can't help it. Yesterday was terrible and today's going to be worse, and he still hasn't seen Louis. Missing him is taking up more space in his brain than usual. "Sorry." 

"It's alright," Matt says, gently. "We'll be really careful with callers today, and luckily we don't have a new Showquizness caller." 

"Besides," Fiona says, "we're well practiced in not saying his name on air." 

Nick gives her a half smile at that. They are _very_ good at not mentioning Louis unless Nick wants them to. Their public feud is a very good distraction for when people start sinking claws into the other boys. 

"Let's do this," Nick says, picking up his headphones.

~*~ 

The first meeting for the morning is everyone. They're supposed to be on their way to the studio for a full day of recording, but now they're all blinking at each other blearily in the harsh fluorescent lights of the conference room at Modest. 

"Sorry lads," Louis says, taking a sip of his rapidly cooling tea. "Lotts is sorry too." 

Liam pulls him into a half-hug. "We'll make it right. You and Nick have gone to the mat so many times for us." 

"We're behind you no matter what," Niall says. Harry and Zayn nod in agreement. 

The meeting drags on for hours, even after the other lads leave for the studio, but by early afternoon there's a solid list of options for how to handle this publicly, because his team is the best at what they do. 

~*~ 

The show hadn't been terrible, at least in Nick's opinion. Finchy had confiscated his phone early on, because it had been distracting him more than usual. They couldn't fully take away Nick's internet access, though, and he'd been on Twitter and Tumblr and Instagram half the morning anyway. He'd seen literally hundreds of screencaps of Lottie's tweet, along with links to all of the regular gossip blogs going through the public history of their relationship and speculating about what this new development meant. 

It would have been one thing if Lottie had called him names. It's expected because everyone knows that Louis Tomlinson hates Nick Grimshaw. But such a personal message, accidentally tweeted publicly, and from family, had painted a completely different picture. The gossip blogs had actually been uncomfortably close to the truth for once. 

Nick had spent most of the show wondering how Louis was getting on in the endless meetings. Finchy had allowed him a few minutes with his phone when Louis had texted in the schedule so they could figure out a time for Nick to come in, too, which wouldn't be until the middle of the afternoon, since they had a few things up for pre-recording that they couldn't cancel. 

At least he hadn't slipped and mentioned Louis on air, though. It had been close a few times, when some of the worst texts had come in.. 

He hasn't been this tired in ages. He's used to sleeping without Louis when the boys are away on tour, but not when he's in London. Not when he needs to feel his boyfriend's skin against his, to reassure himself that whatever storm is raging around them, they are still together and solid. On his way home yesterday, Nick had half entertained the idea of going home and sneaking back out to a hotel where Louis could meet him, some tourist trap where no one would be expecting to see either of them. He'd only changed his mind after talking to Lottie about how bad the scrum outside Louis' house was, too. 

Nick is absolutely okay with the fact that he's counting down to his a PR meeting for the first time in his life, because it'll be the first time he gets to see Louis since this happened. 

~*~ 

Louis is a grumpy mess at lunchtime. There is not enough tea in the world to help fix his mood, and he still has a few hours before Nick is scheduled to arrive. At least the boys are due back soon. He relocates to a sofa in someone's office with his laptop, going through various forms of press statements they can make, everything from _it was a stupid mistake she meant to DM my assistant no idea how Lottie ended up tweeting Nick_ , to _We're actually friends, joke's on you,_ but never anything actually approaching the truth. 

And maybe that's the worst part of this whole thing. They've never actually talked about going public. Especially now, when Louis is pretty sure they're at the absolute peak of their game. There really isn't anywhere to go but down from a worldwide stadium tour. They've never been a secret from their friends, but playing media games is second nature to the both of them, and they've possibly done too good a job at this one. 

God, he needs to talk to Nick, because maybe there really is only one way out this time, but it's not a decision he can make on his own. 

Of course, because Nick is a disaster of an adult, he's late. Louis is pacing the conference room by ten to four, because he's just full of restless energy despite how completely exhausted he is. Liam reaches out to grab him, telling him to _sit still_ for five seconds, but despite all the muscle Liam's packed on during this tour, Louis shakes out of his grip really easily and goes back to his pacing. He's been texting his mum and Lottie all afternoon, and trying not to shake to pieces in front of everyone. He's fairly sure he's not doing a bang up job with that, given the looks he's getting from the others. 

Nick finally shows up fifteen minutes late, sunglasses shoved up over his hair, making his quiff look even more ridiculous than normal. Louis is fairly sure that Nick is hogging all of the oxygen in the room because when he sees him, Louis can't breathe anymore. He'd been on a lap going away from the door when Nick walked in, but Louis pivots quickly on his heel and launches himself at Nick, desperate to reassure himself that Nick is real. 

He squeezes as hard as he can, burying his nose in Nick's neck. 

"I think we need a moment alone," Nick says to room at large. "Which office is nearest and empty?" 

Louis doesn't pay attention to the directions, just lets Nick steer him out of the conference room and down the hall with a large, warm hand in the small of his back. 

Once they're alone, finally, Nick pulls him in for a hug again, and Louis goes easily, their toes bumping into each other's. Nick would normally be complaining about his pristine boots getting scuffed, but today's been anything but normal. 

It feels like ages before Louis shifts a bit in Nick's arms and pulls back, twisting his hand into Nick's hair and tugging him back in for a kiss. The part of Louis that's been sitting uncomfortably since last night, that's been setting sharp corners against his bones, settles down as soon as their lips meet. Nick opens up under his lips, and Louis breathes him in. The don't move for another few minutes, contenting themselves with fairly chaste kisses here in some stranger's office. 

Eventually they need to breathe and Louis pulls back first, letting his forehead rest against Nick's. 

"You alright?" Nick asks. 

"Not really." Louis has been putting up a front about so many things for so long that he's not sure which one is breaking first, but they're all about to crash into piles of dust at his feet. 

Nick's nearly whispered, "Me neither," gets Louis' full attention. "They sent me all the options and statements, too." 

"It's so fucked up," Louis says. "I never really minded the press until today. I don't know why it's different." 

Nick doesn't answer right away, and Louis looks up at him, not wanting to speak first. "I think it's because this time they're close to the truth. Before, it was us fucking with them for a laugh, or whatever. Diverting attention. Anything we say now is actually a lie." 

Louis takes in a deep, shaky breath. Nick is right, of course he's right. He's finally putting into words the reasons Louis has hated every suggestion everyone's come up with so far. 

"What if," Louis says slowly. "What if we didn't lie?" 

He's watching Nick's face closely for his reaction, since Nick has a finely honed ability to hide what he's actually feeling when things actually get rough. As it turns out, he doesn't need to, because Nick's face splits into a smile; small at first and then blinding until Louis can't do anything but match it. He pulls Nick back into a kiss that's less sad desperation and more desperate hope. 

"God, Lou, I was hoping you'd say that," Nick says, before kissing him again. "I hadn't realized how tired I was of it all until today." 

"Me too. Oh god, I'm so tired of it. I'm tired of everyone thinking we hate each other. I'm tired of people going after you, and it just gets worse every time." 

"This isn't one of the carefully crafted options, though." Nick says, bringing business back into it. "We might have a fight on our hands." 

"The lads will back us up. You know how much Harry hates the way things are now, too. He's like a kicked puppy anytime something happens." 

Nick laces their fingers together and kisses Louis one more time. "Let's do this, then." 

They go back to the meeting still holding hands. 

~*~ 

It's another two hours before they get to leave. Round after round of saying that they're doing this, of the lads saying they're okay with it, and of refusing to actually put out a statement. Louis is nearly giddy with excitement and relief and nerves by the time he tosses his keys to his assistant to take his car to go pick up Lottie, since he's going _home_ with his boyfriend. 

There's a mob of photographers on Nick's road, and they have to slow down to a crawl so as not to accidentally squash one as they pull up in front of Nick's flat. Would serve them right, Louis thinks.. 

Flashbulbs are already going off, even though it's broad daylight, blinding them through the windows of the car as they collect their phones and wallets and go to open the doors. The paps are crowding around and making it difficult to climb out, but Louis manages it eventually, not bothering to smile or look at any of them. He's trying not to listen to their questions, either, just staying where he is, motionless next to Nick's car. 

He's concentrating so hard on not reacting that he jumps out of his skin when a hand lands on his arm and slides down to tangle his fingers in a firm grip. Louis looks up at Nick and gives him a soft smile, one that's only meant for Nick, not caring at all who sees it. 

Nick squeezes his hand and gives him the same one right back.

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on tumblr! [Glitterbootsandyellowshorts](http://glitterbootsandyellowshorts.tumblr.com)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Almost Feels Like Nothing's Changed at All (If You Close Your Eyes)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3840193) by [ofjustimagine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofjustimagine/pseuds/ofjustimagine)




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